Poked by Broken Pieces

Recently, I had an unpleasant experience with a freelancer on eLance. It started as a very positive experience, and some revelations came to the freelancer through her exposure to my material. She had some very real, major breakthroughs.

Shortly thereafter, she began making some poor business decisions. I won’t go into all of the problems that occurred. But I will say that this “business conflict” was a beautiful thing from a spiritual perspective.

I’ve gone through a lot of intense experiences with people. I’ve been exasperated lately, asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

With the eLance provider, he had some intuitive impressions that the major breakthrough might swing the other way. He’s had enough experience with people doing change work to know that once people step out of the prison of their patterns, they often go right back into the cage and resume their life experience from that perspective. For someone who has been angry, bitter, and unforgiving her entire life, she’ll find the first person at whom to point a judgmental, angry, unforgiving finger.

Fearing Exposure
I’ve noticed that people either love Mark and his work or they despise him and his work.* (see disclaimer below) The ones who despise him are the ones with the most defensive fortification of patterns to protect fragile egos. They seem to have a sense that Mark could easily break through those fortifications and expose what’s really going on underneath.

Spirit moves in interesting ways. And it is always moving in ways to bring you closer to the truth of who you really are underneath your patterns.

The only thing that separates you from your most magnificent self is the patterns that you’ve learned to defend yourself from attack – whether real or imagined.

Some of our patterns are developed to defend ourselves from the attack of being ignored or marginalized… meaning, some people develop patterns to garner as much attention as possible. (An example would be the narcissist.)

These unproductive patterns are what I call your “broken pieces.” I’ve always said that relationships are the place where people come together to heal their broken pieces, but someone’s going to get poked. All relationships and their experiences… whether business, romantic, family, or friendship… have the primary purpose of helping you heal your broken pieces so you can discover the magnificence of who you really are.

This is what ho’oponopono teaches… getting to the “Zero State” where your patterns (or your “data”) can no longer operate.

After working with ho’oponopono for 5 years, and after learning from Mark who has been working with ho’oponopono for 15+ years (amongst other modalities), I can honestly say that I do not believe that using ho’oponopono on everything always generates happiness and rainbows, ESPECIALLY if you’re operating through a perspective of a lot of patterns. Sometimes all ho’oponopono will do is clear one row of patterned defenses, leaving the more painful row of patterned defenses to be exposed.

And sometimes, Spirit will work in ways so that you must experience healing. You cannot do some of this healing intellectually.

Claire hugs the scary fireman

What Scares the Pants Off of You Can Save You
This summer, I took the kids to a fire safety class at a local church. One of the firemen put on his fire protective suit, an oxygen mask, the whole regalia. He looked frightening, and a lot of the kids were kind of scared. I loved how they made the youngest, most innocuous fireman get dressed up like the “scary monster fireman.” Then, all of the kids crawled under a blanket (representing smoke) and hugged the big scary monster fireman. I imagined if the kids were in an actual fire, scared beyond belief, and the big scary guy was the one to save them, they might rather hide and risk their lives.

If you’re in a challenging position and something even scarier comes along, that big scary thing might very well be the thing that saves you.

Your “big scary monster fireman” is where you feel victimized. It looks awful, you don’t want to face it, you don’t want to go towards it. But where you are sitting is even more dangerous than what looks scary to you. But you’re the frog in the boiling water. Staying where you are, defended by your patterns, is no longer an option. You must move. And you must move towards the very thing that frightens you the most.

If conflict is showing up in your life lately, you can ask “why me?” Or, you can ask “why not me?” You can act as a healing agent in your life, or in someone else’s life. Perhaps it isn’t that you’ve done something wrong to attract conflict or difficulty. Perhaps you’re in a place to get poked a little, but also help someone heal one of their broken pieces.

You can do so by getting beyond your own triggers and patterns, and you can do so by staying centered in your heart. Love softens the broken pieces, love removes the fortifications, and love gives you the trust and knowingness that no matter how scary or difficult something might look, you’ll always be magnificent on the other side.

* Disclaimer: I don’t purport to say here that everyone who doesn’t get along with Mark now or in the past has issues and the issues are all about them. Sometimes Mark can be very in-your-face and often not very politically correct at all. He says what he means and he means what he says. This can be a great thing if you value honesty in your relationships. It’s an uncomfortable (and even enraging) thing if you value harmony.

I will say, however, that he will admit when he’s wrong. He will always lend a hand to help someone. He has brilliant ideas. And his biggest talent is helping people heal from the patterns that keep them away from knowing real happiness.

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  1. Wow… this is one of the best things I read lately… this is great: “The only thing that separates you from your most magnificent self is the patterns that you’ve learned to defend yourself from attack – whether real or imagined.”

  2. Kathy,

    Totally agree with you. Sometimes you need live a situation in order to learn from it. Ho opono pono can make the process easier.

    By the way, yesterday I downloaded some of Mark’s old NLP podcasts to listen to them again. They are excelent.



    1. Manuel – yes, thanks for your comment. I think when we’re really stuck, ho’oponopono opens the gates. And then it can make the process of getting to our true spiritual self much easier. Glad you liked Mark’s podcasts from back in the day. Lots of great information there, too! – K

  3. Yes this is a great post! Thanks for writing this up Kathy you did a wonderful Job and i think it resonates deeply with people.

    A back and forth of Amazing emails transpired today between me and the provider from Elance. The first one was at the EXACT same time ( ok for you mathematicians…maybe not exact…but close enough) as she sent me one. As i sent it hers popped up…and it was basically both of us agreeing to resolve this…How cool!

    Then the emails got even deeper. Something really nice has opened up.
    It has been a long road and the whole time i kept this place of healing and opening…even when i was being a butt-hole. I was really cool to watch the patterns in me. Especially the ones i thought had healed…Ha! Their bigger brother was waiting in the wings.

    Keep the faith even when you are screaming and kicking like a kid sometimes…try to watch it without stopping it.

    As far as the part about me having people who really don’t like me…Rubbish! Well at least i like to think that way.
    Kathy had an old nemesis of mine( online only..never met him) write her and try to tell her there was no good side of me.
    He is a Nasty fellow really with his own HUGE fears and blocks. I understand a bit better…and will let him go his way as i want to rest in the wonderful shift that has occurred today. It is one of those you hope for every day.

    I posted blog on Linda Miller’s Ho’oponopono Facebook page with a semi- Challenge for Joe Vitale.

    Here are two guys ( Me and Joe) who brought Ho’oponopono to another level of awareness in the world.
    We have had a Bitter unresolved conflict for 2 years and have not talked for two years.
    Maybe the reason i had trouble with the provider who was writing a book from my transcripts was that Something doesn’t want me to be a Hypocrite….Something i am personally not fond of.
    How do i or Joe do another Ho’oponopono product when there is a rift between us?
    Let me go way out there….is it possible Ho’oponopono is not moving forward the way it could because of this rift between Joe and Myself?

    I am interested to hear your thoughts!



    PS I will be starting a new round of podcasting ( free audio teachings ) and video-casting hopefully around mid October when i get done with the current project i am on

    1. Kathy here: Mark, I think you and Joe have very different views on what ho’oponopono is and how it operates. You work much more in the realm of experiential healing… meaning that you help people experience that opening of healing. Joe admitted even back when he was introducing ho’oponopono that he wanted an “easy button” and that’s why he liked ho’oponopono. He believed the repetition of the 4 statements (I love you, please forgive me, thank you, I’m sorry) would magically cure any ill.

      I think your perspective is that the repetition of the 4 statements opens people, softens people, for a greater healing, but that the greater healing needs to come from an EXPERIENCE of healing, rather than a magic “easy button.” An easy life is not a victorious life,” says Yogananda… and I think it’s apparent we’re here for the experience of uncovering our true selves rather than intellectualizing an understanding of what our true selves might be. If it’s not about the experience of healing, why experience life at all… our spiritual selves know. Our intellect can “get it.” But experience and feeling happens kinesthetically in a body, and being alive necessitates a body. 🙂

      From my perspective, Joe did not want to experience healing with you unless it was you groveling on your knees admitting how wrong you were to question his decisions 2 years ago. That’s my opinion. I will say that Joe did reach out to you when he realized something was wrong. I think you emailed him shortly thereafter… and it was apparent in those emails what actions and beliefs needed to exist in order for healing to happen on Joe’s terms only. Again, just an opinion, and that’s about all I will say publicly about it.

      I will say I am very happy to be in Mount Shasta, happier than I have ever been anywhere else on earth.

  4. Kathy, thank you for such an insightful blog post. I love how you point out that healing must sometimes be experienced. We need to go through it. We can not avoid it, slip around it or jump over it. It is painful and scary when we look at it from the view of the wounded and still bleeding but once we see it from the side of the healed and whole, we realize how cathartic it really was. Colin Tipping in his book “Radical Forgiveness,” tells about how we need to go into the experience and through it so that we can experience it, be healed from it and move into a place where we realize this was for our own good and not only move into forgiveness but celebrate the learning we got from the whole experience. In co-active coaching which I am trained in, we take clients into the process and down the tube to experience what we need to before we are brought up the tube and into being healed and whole. Thanks again for the reminder. It must be something I need, as it is coming up all over the place.

    1. It’s like someone telling you to read a book about love versus falling in love. Falling in love is a lot different than thinking about it. 🙂 Glad you liked the post. Inspired by Mark, of course. – K

  5. While reading all this.. The news on TV was talking about the problem of bulling, so severe as to cause people to kill themselves..This mean spirited action is out there certainly in politics. and society.Perhaps, you and Joe, are just a part of what we ALL need to Heal .in ourselves Using more.Kindness, and an the willingness to look for SOLUTIONS instead of meanness., as a solution.Imagine all those political leaders and the way they act toward one another.A.SHAMEFUL example for our children..What happened to those”LEADERS”.? .Thank You Kathy, and Mark…I am glad Kathy is so HAPPY at MT SHASTA..Lots of us out here would like to say that.. we were so Happy were we lived.MANY BLESSINGS GAIL

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