It’s the start of the Independence Day weekend here in Mount Shasta… a perfect 75-degree sunny day in the mountains with a gentle breeze.
As I ponder the questions folks have asked me lately about getting past their issues and blocks, how to manifest, how to get clear, even how to pay bills, I look for patterns, the patterns that keep people stuck in problems… and the patterns that help people get unstuck.
One thing that keeps coming up is how people represent themselves around problems and patterns that keep themselves stuck. I can tell you only what has seemed to work in my experience, both in my life and in helping others.
I always ask for feedback to know what work has done for people. It’s even better if I can observe their life patterns after working with them because often I can see the subtle changes they can’t report for themselves. This can be both good and bad, even though there really is no good and bad about it. “Good and bad” help us separate and make distinctions about what we do and think.
I ask for feedback and I expect to get it – both good and bad – to help improve my work.
Some folks can take criticism well. Others cannot. I tend to roll between the two. 🙂 But I am always looking for what I can reveal to myself about myself for the purpose of learning and improvement.
I realized that, in the past, I often would resist criticism because I didn’t like how something was said to me by another, even though I might have known they were right. I didn’t want others to be the ones who might affect my life by making it better, or being “right” about my “wrong.” I also didn’t want to have to hear, “See, if you had only listened to me before…” or “I told you so…”
How many times did do something as a teenager just because your mom or dad said not to? Or maybe you just didn’t want to admit that a know-it-all neighbor really did know what he was talking about.
I was willing to risk the long shot that maybe something might happen or I would make something happen that would make them wrong and me right. Unfortunately, I was betting on the wrong information for the wrong motivations without knowing the consequences my stubbornness might bring to me.
It wasn’t about the information. It was more about what that information might mean in my interactions with other people. It might mean they were right. And I was wrong.
It might mean they were superior and I was inferior.
Can you believe that? I would behave against my better judgement and intentionally not grow in a positive direction so others couldn’t get the credit for it. (I’m sure you’ve never done this either. 🙂 ) Oddly, I could hear the same information from someone else (someone that I liked and respected like an aunt, teacher, etc.) and I couldn’t get enough learning from them. And I was pleased, as they were, to integrate it. But these teachers were few and far between.
I was doing the whole process unconsciously, but a part of me knew what was right. I would also come up with the darndest reasons why I was doing these things. When I saw this process consciously in myself for the first time, I was able to bring in a newer, more effective belief system than the older one I had when I adopted this way of being. I could now separate the good from the bad, the right from the wrong, for ME, regardless of who said it or how they said it.
There was a part of me that absolutely knew I needed the learning because it was the right thing to do for me and my deepest spiritual values. But this other rebellious value of not letting someone else rule over me and determine my path seemed, in the past, win out.
I came to a point where I needed to acknowledge another person’s contribution to my life and make the decision my own. It boiled down to knowing that I had an issue with telling others that they were right. In the world of dichotomies, if i want to be right, then I better be able to dish out a good dose of what I want in return.
If I am stingy with it, it seems the good Universe can do the same to me. At least this has been my personal experience.
At the deepest spiritual level, I know the original source of love is started from even though it may have gotten twisted along the way. It is up to me to set it straight again, with love, understanding, and forgiveness.
I have been following this track and growing with it. Allowing others to tell me whatever they’d like, taking criticism, advice, etc., and telling people thank you for sharing their ideas and considering them, even thanking others for their advice because I did something their way and it worked out great.
With all of that, I still have some of the residual process with some folks still in my life, and others long gone. I wanted to clear it up. I had set an intention to confront what residual was left in me, and actively pursued its fulfillment.
And I got my answer.
I was listening to an old, rare Werner Erhard audio that a friend gave me. It was a fantastic audio, and there was one especially sweet bit that was one of those beautiful moments of transformation that set the final residual string of resistance completely free.
He said something to the effect that a person is trying to contribute to your life and you are not letting them.
My mind went off like a dog on a scent.
I pictured a person from my past who had contributed incredibly to my life, but in a sometimes pompous and superior way that I had resisted with my every fiber.
I imagined that person telling me one of those things I already knew how to do well. I am pretty sure they knew I already knew I knew it. In this incident, I even tried to stop them from saying it. But they had to say it. They just had to, they couldn’t resist. I could feel my resistance not only in my imagination, but also present in my body. And I am positive if i would have seen this happen to a friend, I might have laughed my you-know-what off because it wasn’t me getting the treatment! From that viewpoint, I most probably wouldnt have felt the sting, even though i would have felt sympathy.
Isn’t that funny? That person is thousands of miles away from me now, yet I am feeling them now because of my thoughts?
Instead of imagining that person trying to one-up me or being superior, I imagine them doing their best to contribute to me in their own way. That even though they don’t have the skills, or choose not to apply them with me to do it in a way I would find more acceptable, I gave them the benefit of the doubt in my mind and I presented it to myself so I felt as if they were doing it because deep down they wanted to see me excel.
No only that, but I imagined that they wanted to feel incredible in their body — and mind — knowing that they contributed to my life in a positive way.
The biggest shift of all was for me: I let them have that in my mind.
And when I gave that to them in my mind, in my imagination, in my heart, while I was in my bed at night, I got the biggest gift in my body.
Some weight in my body lifted that I had been carrying for years.
It was like throwing a switch and the dam opened without knowing that’s what would happen.
It was so powerfully emotional feeling all of that leave me. More importantly that switch had let something new come in. That new feeling was even more powerful and emotional: forgiveness and love.There was an now outward flow again towards this person that just seconds ago I had restricted.
That same image that caused me distress and angst was now making me feel incredible. And all I did was change how I see the activity by changing the lens that I see it through. Instead of seeing it as a threat, I could see it from the highest Spiritual point of view, and I could see it differently.
I now see this person as being a great contributor in my life, and I feel fantastic thinking about this person telling me they did all that they did in order to be a positive influence in my life. They wanted to see me in their best way in their mind, and it made them feel good to contribute to me.
Whatever their conscious reason was or is, I know the source. If I align with it, the middle usually takes care of itself.
I was now valuing their contribution to my life. In return, my slight perspective change about their motive was all that was needed to make them feel worth in their lives.
I think Werner Erhard’s point was that he was trying to do it all on his own for his own reward. He wanted all the credit, but the credit was meant to be shared, and so was the work.
You see …his motive was the same as those he was denying. He was really denying himself.
When Werner decided to let others contribute to him, Werner was able to contribute.
Now put my name in there in place of Werner Erhard.
Now put your name in place of Werner’s.
This is Freedom…This is Independence.
True freedom comes from being able to better control and guide your own responses and reaction in life.
Do this with one person this weekend, and I promise that this will be the best Independence day ever.
Happy Fourth of July, and happy independence day to you.
If you liked this and want to learn more about how to shift these positions and perspectives in your life for more personal freedom, I recommend you get the new Subliminal Clearing Z+ Advanced Ho’oponopono DVD. In it, I give you 6+ hours of video exploring the techniques on how to do this higher level spiritual clearing.