A couple of years ago, I did some coaching work with a very amazing woman living in the UK. She was Harvard educated and was working at a world-class university.
She also had cancer, and I was helping her work through some of the issues that came up around her work and the challenges of her disease.
About a month ago, she contacted me and wanted to do more work together. She didn’t have a specific issue in mind, she just wanted to do more work. She was told she had about a year to live, and she had some specific things she wanted to give the world as her legacy before she “went home.”
I received an email last week that she had passed on unexpectedly.
I immediately started thinking about all she had hoped to do, how she had asked me to work with her, and the loss of opportunity that we all have in our lives from her leaving our world too soon.
It was one of many events in the last few weeks that has made me rethink my work.
You see, I’ve prided myself on doing quick sessions with folks and getting them to a place of being able to change quickly. When I first started in NLP that was one of the biggest draws for me to get involved was how fast it worked. I got caught up in that paradigm for 27 years.
Since it was one of the first beliefs I adopted with NLP, it was pretty deep in my unconscious. I never really looked at it again. I just accepted it.
In the last couple of years or so, I have worked with folks who wanted more sessions with me over a longer timeframe. I didn’t want to do it because I was under a hidden belief system that I should only have to work with people once or twice and I would move on to another client.
My client in the U.K. was one of them.
I’d often wonder how people were doing after their sessions. And I’d often check in with them.
But then I wondered… was I short changing people in not working with them for a longer period of time?
Was I depriving them of the depth I could offer by working with them on more issues over a longer period of time?
You see, I myself have used coaches throughout my life. And I really liked the fact that I could dive into a coaching session quickly. My coach KNEW me. We could dive deeper into issues because we had already established a relationship. My coaches KNOW me. They know my patterns, my issues, and my goals.
I also know and trust them at a deep level, allowing me to open up to deep issues much more freely.
I asked myself if I was denying my clients this level of coaching experience. I realized that I was.
Now, some people really just want a quick fix. That fit in very well with my beliefs, and I enjoyed giving them tools to quickly get past the issue. It worked, and my coaching practice has thrived on those types of clients. But a lot of clients were not in a hurry and asked me to help them grow over a period of time. I wasn’t open to engaging on that level, so I wasn’t exploring that type of coaching relationship with them.
Right after I found out that my client had passed, I was on a coaching training call with my long-term mentor, John Overdurf. Yes, even though I coach others regularly, I still participate in coaching training regularly to always improve my coaching skills.
We were discussing a live coaching session we had just heard between two other call participants. One played coach and the other participant played client.
I knew both people, so I had previous experience with their patterns and coaching styles. What impressed me about this particular call was how much information from previous coaching calls was coming forward in the session.
We had all done so much coaching together (and we were together in Phoenix last May for 10 days for John Overdurf’s Training Trances) that we started to pick up on what worked for each of us.
The participants used that learning and applied it during the call for a very quick, easy, and powerfully effective coaching session.
I mention my observation to John during the call. We talked about long-term coaching and the benefits of a deeper relationship between coach and client.
One thing he mentioned change my mind about coaching completely.
He said this client had talked to him about the pleasure she had being part of her growth and evolution over time.
Like a puzzle piece… it fit perfectly into place for me. It felt so good to consider this way of looking at it.
John said, “Well, isn’t that what we do as friends, parents, partners, or business relationships?”
And he’s right. And this is what I *really* want to do.
It’s what I wish I had done with my client from the UK who has now passed away.
And it’s what I really would like to do with you.
I’d like a deepening of our relationship.
Yes, you. And me.
I’d like to work with you over time. I’d like to deepen our friendship. And I’d like to watch how you grow, evolve, and experience greater success in your life. Your success and happiness adds a depth of quality in my life.
So, this is where I am taking my business.
I’m changing my pricing structure to support this decision, but I haven’t yet decided what that’s going to be.
This is a personal decision, not necessarily a business decision. Though my business will change somewhat to reflect where I am going as a person.
If you would like to join me on this very personal journey, let me know.
What is possible for you? Let’s find out.
Hi Mark ~ sorry for your loss.
I must be totally honest here; of course, I would benefit greatly from such sessions….though I also like the ‘quick fix’ capabilities of which you spoke. I must say, however, the reality is I still seem to be ‘resting in place’ … not-a-goin-anywhere, it would seem. So money becomes an issue.
I don’t want you to think I wouldn’t ‘want’ to engage in such a schedule. Indeed I would, It sounds like a wonderful idea, fitting more easily into folks’ budgets these days. I just don’t know that I can.
In a perfect world, you would take Medicare!! Topping off their allowance with extra bucks of my own to meet your chosen standard, could possibly work for me.
Do let me know if that ever comes to be.
Thanks so much, and best of everything to you,
Dear Mark and Kathy:
You are the greatest and I consider both of you as my friends. I purchased each of your subliminal videos that you made. Your work is amazing, Mark!
But everything happens for a reason. Bad stuff has happened to me, too, as a result of the men in my family. But I’m moving forward.
Once I help myself, financially, I’m going to help other women by starting a non-profit called Every Woman’s Refuge. Anyway, I’m currently trying to figure out how to make money on the Internet! My goal is to become an Internet Millionaire so I can buy my house on the beach in Florida!
I have no boyfriend, no real friends, except my mother who passed, but guess what, I HAVE GOD and he can give me anything I want and he has kept me afloat for quite a while now! I PRAISE HIM! HE IS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR! If it weren’t for HIS love we’d all be destined to hell and I’d be living in the woods for lack of rent money. HE has proven to me that he is way ahead of me in meeting my needs. HE knows what I need before I even know it to ask HIM for help. But he likes us to ask HIM anyway! We are all his children and he loves us so much that HE sent his only SON to suffer and die for our sins. Because of JESUS’ love, WE CAN ALL ACCEPT HIS GIFT OF ETERNAL LIFE!
What most people don’t realize is that all they have to do is (1)Tell JESUS that she/he realizes that we are all sinners because of Adam and Eve’s original sin, (2) Ask HIM for his forgiveness, (3) Thank HIM for suffering and dieing on the Cross for the remission of your sins, and (4) Ask JESUS to come into your heart! That’s it, then you’re saved. It’s that simple! I was raised Lutheran, so when a born again Christian pointed out scriptures to me, I, too, had no problem asking Jesus to come into my heart!
Anyway to get back to the subject of your e-mail. I wasn’t going to respond, because I’m in the survival mode as of this moment. But I didn’t want you to think that no one would respond. I responded because I think you deserve a response!
Thank you so much for your e-mail. You’ve touched my heart.
Send Kathy my love,
I am sure this new path became visible to you, “because” of your client from the UK passing away so suddenly. Publishing this story reminds us that we do have to create our live now and we do have to act now. A wonderful story to forward to my clients here in Germany and in the Netherlands.
Go for long-term coaching with your clients. I have several long-term-clients myself. As long as they “decide” for themselves and don’t use the coach for picking their steps in life, it is ok.
We all undergo difficult times, until new doors open wide, surprise us and deliver new joy, excitement and totally new adventures. I myself coached people all life long. In 2008 it became my official business, however most people want this service free. They don’t have money to pay at all and others (really rich people)don’t pay their bills – even where they praise the work and outcome of the coaching.
These days, actually since today, I am trying to figure out where and why I am blocking any kind of income to survive with my business. By now it is a matter of closing the business. I rather change my view and stopp blocking myself for some reason and I rather want to feel comfortable with receiving payments for the work I do, to have harmony in giving and receiving.
Now I take the time to listen to the voices and become aware of what I am supposed to do. They say that I am on the right path. All I can do is to have faith and to trust them, because by earthly matters I am pretty much at the end of options, due to financial failure. Working in a wonderful 200 year old house, open for schooling and seminars, with an energy that is incredible, doesn’t do it yet. You know what? The Germans love the energetic work, but they won’t tell others about it. They keep it as a secret, because they are afraid that others look at them strangely, if they talk openly about the help they received in the spiritual field. If you ever visit Germany, come by and look at this home. This area is a wonderful treat for energies, beauty and peace.
I do believe that you make the right decision for your own business. Become even greater and better with the changes you do. I wish you all the best and lots of success. You can do it.
Author/Life- and Business-Consultant in the spiritual & energetic field
D-53902 Bad Münstereifel
LIVE YOUR DREAMS. DON’T DREAM ONLY.
This sounds like true wisdom to me. It seems to be a time when we are now recognising that each of us is our own guru and we dont need to seek outside of ourselves for answers. I love the fact that you have truly listened to that inner voice and made a choice that appears to be in alignment with your truth.
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