Recently, I had an unpleasant experience with a freelancer on eLance. It started as a very positive experience, and some revelations came to the freelancer through her exposure to my material. She had some very real, major breakthroughs.
Shortly thereafter, she began making some poor business decisions. I won’t go into all of the problems that occurred. But I will say that this “business conflict” was a beautiful thing from a spiritual perspective.
I’ve gone through a lot of intense experiences with people. I’ve been exasperated lately, asking, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
With the eLance provider, he had some intuitive impressions that the major breakthrough might swing the other way. He’s had enough experience with people doing change work to know that once people step out of the prison of their patterns, they often go right back into the cage and resume their life experience from that perspective. For someone who has been angry, bitter, and unforgiving her entire life, she’ll find the first person at whom to point a judgmental, angry, unforgiving finger.
I’ve noticed that people either love Mark and his work or they despise him and his work.* (see disclaimer below) The ones who despise him are the ones with the most defensive fortification of patterns to protect fragile egos. They seem to have a sense that Mark could easily break through those fortifications and expose what’s really going on underneath.
Spirit moves in interesting ways. And it is always moving in ways to bring you closer to the truth of who you really are underneath your patterns.
The only thing that separates you from your most magnificent self is the patterns that you’ve learned to defend yourself from attack – whether real or imagined.
Some of our patterns are developed to defend ourselves from the attack of being ignored or marginalized… meaning, some people develop patterns to garner as much attention as possible. (An example would be the narcissist.)
These unproductive patterns are what I call your “broken pieces.” I’ve always said that relationships are the place where people come together to heal their broken pieces, but someone’s going to get poked. All relationships and their experiences… whether business, romantic, family, or friendship… have the primary purpose of helping you heal your broken pieces so you can discover the magnificence of who you really are.
This is what ho’oponopono teaches… getting to the “Zero State” where your patterns (or your “data”) can no longer operate.
After working with ho’oponopono for 5 years, and after learning from Mark who has been working with ho’oponopono for 15+ years (amongst other modalities), I can honestly say that I do not believe that using ho’oponopono on everything always generates happiness and rainbows, ESPECIALLY if you’re operating through a perspective of a lot of patterns. Sometimes all ho’oponopono will do is clear one row of patterned defenses, leaving the more painful row of patterned defenses to be exposed.
And sometimes, Spirit will work in ways so that you must experience healing. You cannot do some of this healing intellectually.
What Scares the Pants Off of You Can Save You
This summer, I took the kids to a fire safety class at a local church. One of the firemen put on his fire protective suit, an oxygen mask, the whole regalia. He looked frightening, and a lot of the kids were kind of scared. I loved how they made the youngest, most innocuous fireman get dressed up like the “scary monster fireman.” Then, all of the kids crawled under a blanket (representing smoke) and hugged the big scary monster fireman. I imagined if the kids were in an actual fire, scared beyond belief, and the big scary guy was the one to save them, they might rather hide and risk their lives.
If you’re in a challenging position and something even scarier comes along, that big scary thing might very well be the thing that saves you.
Your “big scary monster fireman” is where you feel victimized. It looks awful, you don’t want to face it, you don’t want to go towards it. But where you are sitting is even more dangerous than what looks scary to you. But you’re the frog in the boiling water. Staying where you are, defended by your patterns, is no longer an option. You must move. And you must move towards the very thing that frightens you the most.
If conflict is showing up in your life lately, you can ask “why me?” Or, you can ask “why not me?” You can act as a healing agent in your life, or in someone else’s life. Perhaps it isn’t that you’ve done something wrong to attract conflict or difficulty. Perhaps you’re in a place to get poked a little, but also help someone heal one of their broken pieces.
You can do so by getting beyond your own triggers and patterns, and you can do so by staying centered in your heart. Love softens the broken pieces, love removes the fortifications, and love gives you the trust and knowingness that no matter how scary or difficult something might look, you’ll always be magnificent on the other side.
* Disclaimer: I don’t purport to say here that everyone who doesn’t get along with Mark now or in the past has issues and the issues are all about them. Sometimes Mark can be very in-your-face and often not very politically correct at all. He says what he means and he means what he says. This can be a great thing if you value honesty in your relationships. It’s an uncomfortable (and even enraging) thing if you value harmony.
I will say, however, that he will admit when he’s wrong. He will always lend a hand to help someone. He has brilliant ideas. And his biggest talent is helping people heal from the patterns that keep them away from knowing real happiness.