When Kathy was pregnant with Claire, I knew my life was going to change in a big way. Kathy said that she felt I wasn’t really on board with her during the pregnancy, and that did cause some stress for her. I tried to explain how my being on board was working hard and ensuring that we had finances to allow me to spend more time with the baby after she was born. I know a lot of fathers who probably understand what I was feeling – that shift in responsibility looming overhead.

But there was another thing looming, too, and it was something more critical. It was more than securing our future financially by working hard. And what I found out by pursuing this wealth secured my future in other ways.

I knew that being a father was going to give me a wealth of emotion. And when it gets right down to it, that’s what weath really is. Joy, love, peace, happiness, understanding – all that we consider wealth to be comes from an emotional viewpoint.

When you get a new car that you have been dreaming of for years and you sit in it for the first time, you experience an emotion.

But this little girl, my daughter Claire, was going to change my experience. I knew before she was born that if I wanted to experience the wealth of emotion she afforded me, I had to do something to open up, expand my emotional playing field. I knew I had to do this, and I wanted to. I wanted to give my child more than what I had, but in order to do so, I had to give myself more than I was allowing myself.

I started looking for places in my life where I had wealth to mine. One area was my voice. People had told me for years that I had a great voice. One of my primary areas of generating wealth and giving to others was with my voice. I loved to sing, but often wouldn’t do it. When I sang, I would become very emotional. It got to the point where I wouldn’t sing because the emotions that came through me were more than I could handle.

It was WEALTH that I couldn’t handle. When Kathy became pregnant, I started taking singing lessons. First, I wanted to improve my singing voice. But more importantly, I wanted to open myself up to allow myself to feel the emotions coming through me. I knew if I was blocking the emotions coming through my voice, I was blocking myself in other areas as well. And with Claire on the way, I couldn’t afford to live with those blocks any longer.

I know that when I feel that opening in my chest that is more love, it is extraordinarily beautiful. Something flows through there. From this vantage point, I can’t believe I blocked that for myself for so long. But from here, I am grateful I took the risk to do something uncomfortable because I now have more love to give my daughter.

And I have more love to give my wife.

And myself.

Now, when I sit and play with my daughter, I often sing to her. She loves it. She lights up and even sings along with me.

Now that I have opened that part of myself and allowed what was there to flow, I can share it without having to sing to connect with that wealth within me.

Could you put a price tag on that? Could you sell it?

You can’t.

But that’s what wealth is.

What area of your life do you block wealth? Where is your biggest gift, the place where you feel emotion? Is there something you can do today to begin the sometimes uncomfortable task of allowing that wealth to come forward?

How will your life change by taking that step?

There has been a lot of talk in the self help arena lately about critics and criticism and “negativity.” Some of the criticism has been harsh and inappropriate, some of it quite appropriate, and some of it entertaining.

I myself have been criticized by others in ways that have been hurtful and frustrating. On Amazon not too long ago, Joe Vitale and I were called the “Hitlers of the internet.” The comment was so absurdly ridiculous, I was surprised when Amazon decided not to remove it.

From going through that experience and many others, I have learned how to handle criticism from a number of vantage points. I thought that perhaps I would share some methods of handling criticism that are productive and not damaging.

Your reaction is not about the criticism you’re facing. First, we have to realize that the emotional reaction to criticism is not a reaction to the criticism itself. Instead, the reaction is more about what we feel about ourselves and what feelings and data are coming up. Obviously, I am nowhere near the Hitler of the internet, but having someone say this about me brings up old data where the criticism was much more dangerous. Perhaps it was a schoolteacher saying my work wasn’t up to standard, or maybe a family member criticizing something I said.

The strength of the emotion I might feel from criticism has nothing to do with what is happening now. The critic only gains power over me when I give that power to him.

Separate your emotions from the event that is currently occurring. You can definitely address the criticism that is happening, but you simply cannot do so from that emotional state. You can’t be effective if you’re acting from a defensive emotion that has been supercharged by data from your past. It is as if you are trying to meet a challenge to road race in a rocket ship… you’re not meeting the current challenge with the appropriate method, channel, or vehicle. While acting from that emotional state may FEEL good and cathartic, it is generally not appropriate and it will likely backfire on us.

Look for the intention. What is the intention of the criticism? Is it meant to hurt someone emotionally? Address a failing in our work? If the intention of the critic is helpful, generally there may be some validity to their statements. At the very least, it is valid to their subjective opinion, and it is generally helpful for us to communicate our thanks for their sharing of their opinion. This establishes good will with our critics, and there are many reasons why this is important.

Decide if the criticism is valid. If the criticism is nothing more than a personal attack, it is likely not valid. I’ve seen some people who have received criticism turn around and try to attack the critic personally. This then becomes a battle of wills and ends up being nothing more than one bully fighting another bully. This is highly unproductive, and these are the types of situations I recommend staying away from. Personal attacks do except put us in that highly charged emotional state where we end up just churning out energy that does nothing productive for anyone.

Take your power back. Even if criticism is hurtful, we have to take our power back by logically and objectively looking at the critic’s words and determine if anything that they’ve said is helpful in any way. This is the only clear way that we can take our power back. When we take criticism objectively and determine it’s place in our work and our world, we strengthen our position, strengthen our work, and hone our skills for the future. Just like a tree strengthened by the wind, critical analysis of our work strengthens our position.

For example, I do a lot of video editing. Sometimes I work on projects for friends and colleagues. Most of the time, I receive direction from these people, and sometimes it is critical of the work I do. I have to first look at what they’re saying and determine if it will be helpful for the project in the long run. If it is, then I incorporate it. If it is not, then I talk to the critic and explain why I feel that their criticism won’t be good for the project. And sometimes I will incorporate the results of critical comments even when I don’t agree with or understand them because it is important to one of my partners, customers, or colleagues. I separate my own worth and my self from the project’s success… and often times, some of those critical statements I didn’t agree with ended up making a bigger impact than I imagined.

My work becomes better because I am open to criticism. Not only does it meet the needs of the project beyond what I can see for myself, I learn something new that will help my other projects become even better.

It doesn’t mean I have to be open to personal attack. It doesn’t mean I have to be open to unfounded statements that are said with the intent to hurt. It doesn’t mean I become a punching bag. It only means I take the criticism at face value and separate myself from the emotions that may (or may not) come up when I receive that criticism.

Don’t hide from the critics. Remember, if criticism makes you FEEL bad, it is not because the critic is powerful over you. Those who hide from criticism, those who bury their heads in the sand and turn away from anything “negative” because it makes them FEEL bad are the people who end up creating lousy products. They put that emotional state as a higher priority in their world than the service that they provide. And if their emotional state is more important to them than creating a high quality product, then they’re putting an illusion before their desire to serve others with their work.

And those who are afraid to create anything at all because they’re afraid someone might say something “negative” end up hiding their light from the world. We all have something to give. Hiding from criticism only means those gifts to the world will end up coming out of someone who isn’t afraid of being criticized.

Of course, all of us like to hear that our work is wonderful, that we’re wonderful people, that what we do is helpful, good, or even amazing. But when we find ourselves in situations where that is ALL we hear, we end up living in a place where we become bored, lazy, or even arrogant… and our work and our lives suffer for it.

The key is to welcome and incorporate criticism from a place of personal power, a place where YOU decide where the criticism belongs, where it’s helpful, and how to best incorporate it. In that way, you separate the emotional reaction based on erroneous data from the gifts that the Divine wants to give to you — and through you — to the world.

The quotation at the top of this post is from my friend, Oscar. Remember Oscar the next time someone criticizes you… and thank the Divine for the blessings it wishes to give you.

I got up out of bed and started to walk to one of the high windows in my second story bedroom. The cathedral ceiling is about 15 feet high. Near the top is a semicircle window about 6 foot wide and three feet high. It is big and beautiful and it needs to be to be able to see above the towering 100 foot evergreens surrounding the house.

On this night, the moon was full or close to it and as I walked towards this moon glow coming in from the window I could finally see the moon sitting just above the tops of these tall trees. The glow was coming from it barely shining through a dense fog surrounding the trees and house.

It was stunning and beautiful. I knew I wasn’t in Austin anymore. It was as if the hidden beauty of the area had gently awakened me at this perfect time to welcome me with this enchanted magical beauty.
It was a personal hello.

Since being here, I have had some awakenings about being where you are supposed to be and where you are not.

As much as we loved the idea of Austin, we could never really connect there. Not just with people, but with the land, the environment. Some said we should get out there, do more, find things to do in Austin to make ourselves happy there. We needed to change in order to adapt to our surroundings.

I guess this could be done, but at what cost? For those of you who have lived in many places like I have, I am sure this will be something you recognize. For those who have been in one place most of your lives, I hope this can be something to stimulate your thinking a bit.

Since I have landed in Northern California — a place not unfamiliar to me — I have felt home from the very first day. My family and I had searched for this feeling of home for over 2 years in Austin, but we never found. Our 8 year old boy right away said how much he liked it here and felt at home. He’s focusing better and interacting without the fog of allergies affecting him. Our allergies are gone and we can breathe and think better. The water here is some of the purest in the world and our skin feels different, we are even sleeping better.

But I knew this. Every time I came to visit this place for the last 20 years, whether for a few days or a few weeks, I have been welcomed with open arms by both the people and the environment. I have traveled all over the United States and a lot of the world. Only two places that give me this feeling. Both are in California, and I now call one of them my home.

I delved deeper into the experience of what is happening for me here. I realized that when I am here, I don’t desire much of anything at all. I seem to have a general contentment with just being. The environment and this place supports most of my spiritual, mental, and physical needs. I have pure, clean water, I have a beautiful home, but there was something deeper within my soul that is supported in this place.

I don’t have the worries I had in Austin, or even the worries I had in New York before that. There is a general peace and trust in the knowing that I am supported here even though I have no other evidence for this than the feeling of being nourished in a profound and deep way.

This realization that I feel so different here makes me ask myself, “What things did I crave to make up for that loss when I wasn’t feeling that?”

In order for me to live in Austin, without this sense of nourishment I receive here, I had big needs. I needed a big house with an incredible view. I need to eat out at the best restaurants to feel good from the food, or at least a #7 with Coke from Wendy’s ( I am smiling). I needed a nice BMW 7 series to make me feel good while dealing with Austin traffic, and surely hanging out with my Buddy Joe Vitale in his Rolls Royce drinking 18-year old Macallan Scotch, smoking the finest Cuban Cigars, looking at the newest handmade guitar he just purchased. While these things were fun, and they did distract me from this deeper loss, when the night was over and I was driving the 30 minutes from Joe’s house to mine, this loss would begin to percolate through. It was as if I had a sense of something missing, a sense of being on the wrong track… a sense of needing certain things to keep me distracted.

It was like I was selling my soul in pieces. It was like I was negotiating for what I would need in the present moment to not feel what was missing. What shiny dangly thing would I sell my present attention for?
The question always seemed to be, “What would I need to have in order to stay where I am not supposed to be?”

And I was always up for the game. From the time I was a child, I have known this dynamic in me.
When I would go to Las Vegas, I would get stimulated by the lights and the new buildings, the glamour, the people smiling, the beautiful people all dressed nicely at their best. I was always hesitant to let go and enjoy this type of stimulation because a part of me knew that it was only sustainable for a short period of time. And even though I didn’t get into the scene completely, I would still come home and feel my body and mind get a little depressed after having the access to the constant top-of-the-line stimulation Las Vegas offers taken away.

I was aware of this. What was it like for those not aware of this? As soon as they got home and felt a biological depression of their central nervous system (similar to coming down off a drug like cocaine), they would be looking for their next fix, their next trip to Vegas.

Are you are doing what you don’t necessarily want to be doing? Are you living in a place that is not right for you? Are you with a person you shouldn’t be with? In a job you don’t like?

What are you giving up?

When I decided to go into the military years ago, I was promised all kinds of things to do it. Why?
Because there was risk involved. I might lose my life in the process and I was committed to peeling as many potatoes or cleaning as many bathrooms as they wanted me to during this contract. But if they gave me this shiny, dangly thing I could look forward to in the future, I guess I would give up my present life for their food and cot and the ability to do with me what they would.

How many contracts are you in like that? What do you tell yourself to make it okay?

As I continue fleshing this idea out, please write to me and let me know what you discover about where you are stuck and where you know you should be.

If you have any questions let me know. I will do my best to respond on the blog.

All in all, what I would like to explore with you is some territory I am pretty good at helping others navigate.
Let’s explore the depths of who you really are, what you should be doing, and where you might be living. Let’s discover how to get you pointed to your own true north, how to find your own personal home where you begin to feel supported naturally.

People asked me what I meant by teaching a different ho’oponopono than Joe teaches. Well it is not really that different. It is different in the approach and understanding.

I am going to be teaching how these spiritual practices can nourish you at a place beyond the temporary.
You go after a new car to get a certain feeling. However, that feeling is temporary. It wanes. It is only a fix: an agreement to put a band-aid on the real issue.

I say we explore and see about getting you nourished with flowing waters that don’t stop giving.

Are we supposed to trade the temporary for this? Are we supposed to settle for less? Should we negotiate in order to have it?

Should we suffer or be a martyr for lack of it? Should others tell us this and direct our lives for what they think it is? Should government control this, or even churches?

Or should you? My goal is not to tell you what it is that nourishes you or even who or where. My goal is to help you find the tools in you to discover it yourself.

I first learned about ho’oponopono back in 1996 from some truly spiritual teachers.

Then, back in 2004, I was given a course guide and several articles on a different flavor of ho’oponopono by a friend of mine in Mt. Shasta, California. It was both different and similar to the first brand of the practice I used 13 years ago. I liked Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len’s style and new angle right away. It added to the ho’oponopono I knew before.

The issue with what is happening right now now is the mix between ho’oponopono as a spiritual practice and marketing.

While I am happy that Joe got the word out about ho’oponopono to a wider audience with Zero Limits, I am not so happy with the marketing of it. I think that the marketing will scare people away from the beautiful concept within of making things right. I think it should stay as a spiritual methodology and not be used as a money making technique. That’s not to say it can’t help you with making money, but I think the focus should be on the original message.

I am in the process of writing a new book on it bringing it back to its spiritual roots and away from the magic goodies it might bring.

In my humble opinion, Zero Limits, which is Joe’s version of ho’oponopono, is not telling it all. There is a big gap. But I think that when people get it, they will experience something incredibly profound.

Again, I don’t mean to be critical. I am VERY happy Joe listened to me at the NGH convention the second time I talked to him about ho’oponopono. I am very happy Joe has spread the word about it. But right now, I think it is my turn to clean it up.

Without sounding superior to Joe, I think that we can only describe a spiritual philosophy from the level we are at. Joe understands it from his level, and I understand it from mine. And I am more interested in the spiritual aspect of it than the money making or magic genie effect.

I am sure Dr. Hew Len can get it to an even deeper level than I could. When Joe and I would talk, I knew he was missing a big piece. But as I got into it, he would get very defensive and I would back down. That is a clear sign in coaching that someone is not ready for it yet. This missing piece has been a big bone of contention between Joe and me. I still hope and pray he gets it because it means so much to so many.

What i think I offer with my new book and DVD is another perspective that will make it come alive for all. I have seen it happen and am excited about teaching and sharing this.

When I filmed and edited Zero Limits 3 for Joe and Dr. Hew Len, I had to watch it over and over again to get it perfect for viewing. Something pretty amazing happened as I watched over and over again. What I thought I knew years ago… Ho’oponopono transformed into a whole different meaning for me.

I realized it was not about whether the process is true or not. It is about how you do the process.

I will be telling more about this in the near future.

Even though I never was paid for production, speaking, and I never received any percentage (of the massive amount of money made from Zero Limits) by Joe for anything he has done with Zero Limits seminars or products (except the subliminal DVD I created), I am still thrilled to see its entrance into the world grow wildly because of my contribution and introduction to Joe.

And I am even more excited to be able to take it to the next level in 2010.

This is going to be fun!!!

Note: this post was inspired by Dorothy’s comment here.

They are surprised when I tell them the story. Maybe you will be, too.

It all started at Miracles Weekend Seminar in San Diego, California. This event almost didn’t happen until my wife, Kathy, Joe’s assistant Suzanne, and I stepped in to rescue it.

We had turned lemon into lemonade and had a successful seminar. Joe was feeling good, relaxed, and relieved.

He had gone to dinner the night before with John Assaraf. On the way to dinner, he saw a car dealership with two Bugatti Veyron sports cars. They were valued at $1.8 million (at the time ). When Joe told me about the cars, he was more excited about them than the dinner and meeting with John Assaraf, and he wanted to go see the cars again.

Joe and Nerissa had hired a limo and invited me to go sightseeing around San Diego, and back to the car dealership. So we drove along the coast to the Symbolic Car dealership.

When we arrived, we immediately went to look at the Bugattis, but they weren’t ready for viewing. So, we looked at other cars including many rare race cars in their private museum. These cars were amazing and worth millions. If you’re ever in San Diego, I recommend a trip to their dealership.

They also had Rolls Royce cars. Joe got into the new convertible Rolls Royce. When he got in, both Nerissa and I said he looked fantastic in the car, but we agreed that he looked too much like a mafia guy with his sunglasses in the it. So he got out of that car and into the sedan.

That was it. You could tell it was Joe’s car.

We took the car for a ride, it was amazingly smooth. Joe asked how I liked it, and I said it was like sitting on my couch driving down the highway.

Even Nerissa who is very green and earth conscious was initially concerned with the low gas mileage. But when she got into the back seat, a nice happy smile came over her face. She said she thought she could live with the low gas mileage. It was nice to see Nerissa so happy.

Joe was unsure. So we went back to the dealership to see the 1.8 million dollar Bugattis. We pulled the Rolls up next to the Bugatti building and went in to start one of the cars.

Joe started the Bugatti and sat in the driver’s seat. He was shaking like a leaf when he got out. The pistons sounded like a sledgehammer hitting a railroad tie. It was too much power for Joe to handle. We had a good laugh at how nervous he was. I on the other hand got excited as I had worked on and around Nascar engines. I was ready to drive!

We were excited about the Rolls Royce, but Joe wasn’t convinced.

We went back to the hotel and walked to a nice restaurant on the beach. We ate and then walked off some food along the beach while talking about the Rolls Royce.

Joe called me in the morning and said that Bill was coming to get us in the Rolls Royce. We were going to ride and shop for the day to get Joe used to the car. When Bill came to pick us up, we were smiling seeing such a beautiful car coming to get us. We drove around, shopped, and went back to the dealership.

At one point, we were looking into the back of the car. Joe was nervous about spending so much money on this car, even though he loved it. As he looked into the back seat from the door, he said, “It is almost big enough to hold a table and meeting.”

Like a bolt out of the blue, it hit me. I said, “Joe, how about a mastermind meeting?”

Joe eyes widened.

Then I said, “How about a rolling Mastermind?” I had told Joe in the past and on his testimonial page that I always wanted to do a car mastermind. So I said, “How about a Rolls Royce mastermind?”

He lit up, but still was not convinced.

Our salesman, Bill, had some things to do and told us to go for another spin in the car, so we did. Then it came to me. I remember Joe telling me something about how he had recruited for Rajneesh Majaraj (Osho) in Houston for 7 years and had ran a center for him there as well. While this guru was not popular in the United States because of his tactics, I remembered the reverence Joe had for Rajneesh. I appealed to that side of Joe, because I knew if he listened to me he would have a much needed source of income for both him and myself.

I asked him to remember how many Rolls Royces Rajneesh had (over 90). I said, “And here is one of his disciples now driving one, and it could be his.”

I reassured Joe that i would be there for him to start the masterminds and get it going.

Joe has some issues about talking to folks he doesn’t know. I reassured him that I was good at this and could teach him how to coach people.

I have flashbacks to 2004 when I first told Joe about ho’oponopono (he rejected the idea at the time; it later became Zero Limits). That weekend, I helped him set up his booth at the National Guild of Hypnotists. Thanks to my 15 years of experience doing trade shows, we completely sell out of products. At one point during the weekend, Joe had to speak. He asked me to help set up his Power Point presentation and make sure the stage was OK.

Attendees were filing into the room, and I noticed Joe was sweating bullets on top of his head. I got him a towel, and I noticed he was shaking nervously. I asked if he was alright. He said, “No.” He hated public speaking. I asked him if I could do a few exercises to help him calm down. I did the exercises, and he calmed enough, but not completely. I talked to him some more and he asked me if I would introduce him. I told him I would and that I would sit right up front and smile and support him.

He did great and he thanked me and said he had to speak again tomorrow and would I do it all again then. The whole weekend went so well, he asked if I would come again next year and help him again. I agreed, and it went even better. Sales were great, we did more coaching, and that is when he did finally listen to me about ho’oponopono. It wasn’t long before Zero Limits came to be.

Joe and I became good friends after that. I helped coach Joe to the point of where he can get up in front of a group and speak for two hours without notes. Joe always had the information, but he was afraid to speak the information with authority. This is what I am good at doing.

Back at the dealership, Joe asked me if it would be okay to have others ride along on the rolling masterminds. I said, “Joe, it’s your car.”

We went in, and Joe leased the Rolls Royce… leased it so he could have a better write off.

Over a year later, I’ve done 12 masterminds with Joe. It is now his thriving business.

I knew Joe was ready to take it over by himself. When I was driving, he would proudly explain to others how he came up with the idea all by himself. At first I was a bit upset, but I knew that is Joe’s way of reclaiming his power.

I knew he was telling me he was ready to try doing masterminds more by himself with others riding along. And I guess I don’t blame him. He was paying me half of the profits, and I am sure he could pay others less. After all, it is business, right?

So off goes Joe in the Rolls Royce, masterminding on his own with some new folks! While I am not sure of the quality of what others bring to the mastermind, they seem to be working out. I do know that Joe is now capable enough to do it all by himself. Joe learns well… and, as he puts it, humorously… just sitting with him in the Rolls Royce and for dinner is worth more even if he doesn’t coach or give product ideas.

And I am moving into doing my own brand of coaching, which is different. Joe wanted to do more product development coaching, as he got pretty good at it. I wanted to do the deeper work with clearing others of what stopped them from attaining their goals.

So maybe we will work together again. He has told me that, several times, he was wishing I would have shown up when he had brought others instead of me. When I wasn’t there, he had to work harder. He didn’t realize how easy I made it until another tried to fill my shoes. But hey, that is part of how you grow. And I thank him for the compliment.

Go look at the website and see the testimonials with me in them. There are less of them since I have left, but there is enough still there to give you an idea of my contribution. (Go here to see a video testimonial from Nancy Philpott after her experience with me.)

There it is! The Rolls Royce Mastermind story! And there is a lot more coming.

In the future, I will talk more about other successful products I helped Joe develop. I will also talk about the Russia trip, and many more interesting things. Stay tuned!

One of the reasons I am doing this is because Joe said I didn’t toot my own horn enough. He said I should do it more. Now that I am, let’s hope he contributes some of his positive insights!

Thanks, Joe, for a wonderful time on the Rolls Royce Masterminds! Good luck in the future.

If you are interested in a very productive and life changing Mastermind with me, let me know. It won’t be a fancy meal or a drive in a Rolls Royce, but you will walk away with much more than I could have given before. My focus will be completely on you, your issues – whether business, personal, financial, or spiritual. I also charge a lot less because you don’t have to pay for the glitz… but you get the same results.

This teacher not only wants to see you soar, but they place no limits on your growth and achievement. Your achievement becomes a joy to them, the same way a parent feels joy when their child learns a new skill. It doesn’t matter if you’re achieving past them or just learning how to walk.

Why is this type of teacher okay with your growth when others are not? First, he is comfortable with who he is. He doesn’t need or want to be better than you. Teaching is about your growth, not about competition. His goal is to be the best he can be for himself, and part of that self image and self esteem is helping others do the best that THEY can be, regardless of what happens to him personally.

He knows a secret. This secret is a by-product of his work with others to this degree. Remember, he knows it is a by-product, not a direct result. The by-product is that HE GETS FED. He gets fed first by the feeling that true giving can make someone feel. Second, from this magical place, he gets his cup filled. He not only feels good for others, he gets a wonderful feeling about how his contributions towards your growth. And then, he gets fed: he gets knew knowledge from this place of being a true teacher.

None of us are a completed work. We’re all a work in progress, all on our way someplace other than here. Nothing is static, we are all change. A teacher that is open to new knowledge from his students continues to grow. Contrast with the previous two teacher types that have at their core a need for constancy and superiority. They’re also on their way someplace else… but it isn’t growth oriented.

I have two teachers that I continue to work with that are in the 3rd category. I have one I think is in the middle or second category, and one who recently slipped into the first category.

Yes, they move about. And so do I, seeking knowledge wherever it is appropriate.

Why is the teacher who is in the second category still my teacher? Because I can separate out what we talked about in the last post. I can still find and appreciate knowledge and understand from his teachings, and I can subtract out what I know when I perceive his faults or find parts of him that I don’t want to integrate into who I am.

I think that once you separate out your teacher from his ethics or morals and look at the patterns that are useful to you, you can keep a great friendship. None of us are perfect. The category 3 teachers are rare.

The problem with the level 1 type of teacher. I find that the information and knowledge they have to share does not balance with the pull of the black hole of negative behavior. I think that the effort required to be involved, even as a friend, with the type of person who acts out in those ways far outweighs any type of benefit you might gain from the information. I have made a commitment to pull away from people who act out in those ways right away and spend time in contemplative prayer for some kind of revelation to come to them about how their actions affect other people.

My recent teacher who went that way in my experience still has a chance, but it won’t be easy. I was told by many people and had direct inspiration as I tried to reveal this to him. He quickly went in the opposite direction. It was difficult to watch someone I loved go this route.

At this point, I chose to pull myself away for 2 reasons. First, I cannot afford the negative pull in my life. Second, I want to keep distance as my presence and message seems to give him more of a reason to go farther into the dark side. And I chose not to have my brother fall any further.

I would love to see him excel again, even though he sought to keep me down.

So, let’s expand this a little more for next time.

Teachers… this can mean a friend, boss, mother, father, sister, brother. It can mean YOU. It can also mean your concept of spirit, the universe or God as you understand and experience it.

Go back and read all of these entries again while putting different folks from your life into the different roles. I promise that if you do this work, you will transform how you think about yourself, your community, and even spirituality.

Expanding upon yesterday’s post, the second type of teacher is the teacher that wants you to excel, but not past them.

This teacher will help you in varying degrees, until you get close to knowledge of how they work or their secrets.

I think most teachers — and for the most part, most people — fall into this category.

Personally, I think this is due to competition or fairness.

In regard to competition, we don’t like others beating us, being more right, better, or perceived as more “good.” We use others outside of ourselves to compete with instead of comparing ourselves to the internal standards we have set for ourselves. It is tough to note that even at our best, there is someone better. We don’t like to see it or experience it. This competition can happen in both men and women, but seems to be much more dominant in males.

Fairness seems to be a favorite in the fairer sex, but is well known in males too. If there is competition, it is always about who is more fair.

If someone excels too far away from the flock, then the flock can do all kinds of amazing things – little and big – to see to level the bifurcation of the one.

When you get to this level, it is sometimes good to seek another teacher. Retain a friendship with the previous teacher, but work on your growth with someone who does not feel competitive with where you are now.

Recently, I saw a peer of mine from a long time ago and saw him working on stage with 150 people. He was doing incredibly well, and I felt my competition revving inside of me, thinking of what I would have to do to outpace him. Part of this is healthy, but I also had to ask myself to feel positively, to feel pride for my friend and his growth. It didn’t take long, because I genuinely like and care about this man.

When we talked after his presentation, I told him about a seminar I had done in front of only 600 people in Moscow for 2 days. In my mind, I was disappointed, because we had expected 1,000 people. He jumped up and said “only? 600 people? Mate, this is fantastic! Congratulations.” He was excited and wanted to know more about what I spoke about.

He showed me that I needed to upgrade my thinking, beliefs and values about myself as well, since last September. I realized at that point I personally had not given myself credit for the work I had done both in Moscow and Novosibirsk.

I also saw that I needed to practice more gratitude and excitement for others if I am going to be the kind of teacher I respect.

I think of one spiritual teacher I know who is in this area, and it is funny, because it is his inability to push his students to the next level that keeps him from being a teacher who could be one of the greatest in history. His pride, his competitiveness, his insistence of being superior to all in his environment hidden within creative cracks in his psyche that keeps him from exactly what he seeks.

Here’s the huge lesson: It is within what we won’t or can’t GIVE that keeps us from attaining our own greatness. It is about power, how much we are willing to give, or how much we hoard and try to keep.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk about teacher #3… the type of teacher that loves to see you soar to heights even you cannot imagine.

We’ll build a little on my previous post. Here are the three types as I see them:

1. A teacher who doesn’t want you to excel
2. One who accepts your excelling, but not past them
3. One who has a deep longing for you to soar, just as a loving parent wishes for their child

Who are teachers? They can be pretty much anyone… your friend, father, mother, sister, brother, a person you work with as a coach, a workshop leader, an author, a preacher, or your boss. Maybe even your neighbor. A teacher can be anyone we work with on our personal growth.

The Teacher That Doesn’t Want You to Excel
Here, we find that there is a difference between what you are told and the actions and behavior coming from that teacher.

You can tell quite easily by looking at how they reward you for your growth. A teacher who is afraid of you and your growth will do his best to minimize your accomplishments while maximizing your failures. They know that doubt and discouragement will keep you down, keep you in a submissive position. They’ve probably learned this technique very well because it was done to them at one time.

This teacher will also focus on you being less than, but more importantly, they will always bring the focus back to how big, how accomplished, how revered, how special THEY are. They enjoy keeping you, and others, in that “less than” position in order to have that ego rush of comparison readily available to them. These are the teachers that brag about what they have, what they’ve done, what others say about them. They will often weave the derogatory comments about you into passive aggressive statements sandwiched between positive statements about themselves as a comparison. Their intent is to elevate their status while keeping you submissive and subservient.

You will especially notice the threat expanding if you begin to excel in HIS area of expertise. God help you if you begin to surpass his expertise.

This type of teacher is an expert at keeping others in a feeling of doubt and discouragement. Even if he is a high school drop out and you are a PhD, this person can keep you from rising to your own greatness. And if he is a particularly nasty type, this type of teacher will take your own knowledge, your own insight, and your own greatness and claim it as his own. How many times do you hear of people taking credit for others’ ideas as their own?

This creates even further discouragement and doubt. And then, he’s got you exactly where he wants you.

If this type of teacher has a group of people around him that he has already done this to, they will expect you to act as they have. The additional peer pressure will come in many forms. Additionally, they will take delight in acting out towards you for the unconscious resentment they still feel from when it was done to them.

This is exactly how CULTS are created. And just because someone has not identified your group as a cult or its leader as a sociopath, it doesn’t mean that you’re not living in one, or experiencing the same type of emotional subterfuge.

Part of the trip here is that, because of competition, we seek to win even though we’ve lost. We want to find a way to win next time or sometime in the future.

However, in order for you to do that, you must become better than the teacher at what he does worst. In other words, you have to act as he does and try to win at that game. You find yourself in a loop, but this loop is a downward loop.

This is why you must get out of situations like this and learn to avoid them. It’s a dangerous game, and you have to escape the gravity. The only way to do so is to first forgiving yourself and accept the loss.

The group might say that your loss is your self destruction. However, if you look deeper and get help, it is a huge, momentous giant victory of self respect. You’ve escaped a situation that was holding you in a downward spiral game. It is counter-intuitive thinking and can be difficult, and often people don’t find a way to escape. This is why I really recommend getting help to see the situation you’re in from an external viewpoint. Those within the group will not be able to see it.

You see, they’re stuck in an echo chamber where the only beliefs they allow into their world are ones that they agree with. This often happens in politics, and individuals who do this in political situations often find themselves stuck in other areas as well.

I know of one person who goes around blocking people on social networking sites who have opposing viewpoints so he doesn’t get angered by them. This is also an individual who finds himself working with a teacher who won’t let him grow.

I will begin to dissect this nasty bugger with some clear examples. And if you’re wondering if you’re caught up in a similar situation, please write me and ask.

Tomorrow I’ll discuss the second type of teacher… the one who will let you rise, but not above them.

For an example, here is an excellent blog post describing an experience like what I describe. Remember, it doesn’t have to be this blatant, it can be very insidious and subtle and still be cult-like activity.

Note: I posted this as part of a 3 part series. Some people took this the wrong way and thought I was talking about them. I decided to post part 2 and 3 now instead of waiting so that you can see all three types contextually. Please take this knowledge for whatever it is worth. If it helps you, great. If it bothers you, I apologize. My intent is to help people extract themselves from difficult situations and prevent others from getting involved in them.

The person who gets blown up in a mosque or church while praying… they did not attract that. I’m sorry.

A buddy of mine was a crack head many years ago. He decided to go to the wrong side of town looking for a fix with a pocket full of cash. He got his head smashed in with a brick and nearly died. He surely didn’t DESERVE that, but he is certainly more responsible for what happened to him than the woman praying who was blown to smithereens.

I am not “playing God” passing judgment here. Look, at one level, we are all One and part of All That Is or God, the Universe, whatever label fits for you. But at another level, we are all separate, too. I leave the judgment to God, I leave the knowingness to God, but here at this level of separateness, where I am me and you are you, there are things that are apparent.

And if you refuse to believe that I am me and you are you, maybe I could just come live in your house for a while and eat your food and use your belongings however I want? It’s okay, right? Because I am you, and you are me, so it doesn’t really matter, right?

Look. We as humans can only handle about 7 bits of information at one time. Our surroundings, however, have MILLIONS of bits of information. Our universe? Infinite. How can you say with that minuscule awareness that we are All One? How can you really KNOW that? You would have to sift through all of the data in the UNIVERSE to know for sure. That is impossible from our limited human perspective. So we learn to trust based on the data we do have.

A few weeks ago, I was speaking with an expert in how the human mind works. He said how he recently did some mind expansion exercises with someone. That person got as close to enlightenment as this expert has ever seen. The person got extremely sensitive… all of their senses were working at high power to the point of extreme sensitivity. A funny thing happened. this person felt so good about the experience they were having, they fully believed that if they jumped from a building, they would be able to fly or at least glide safely to the ground.

My friend said that if he had agreed or encouraged him, the person would have tried doing so.

Maybe that situation WOULD have ended up miraculously. But as you and I know, the evidence we can see in this shared reality says otherwise. My friend wisely became his conscience and convinced him otherwise.

Karl Marx said that religion is the opiate of the people. He was right in a sense. Now, I am about as far from a communist as a person can be, but the man had a point. What does an opiate do? It makes you feel no pain. And when we feel no pain, we believe we can fly. Because without the teacher of pain, we believe in our mind that we can do things we cannot and we are subject to get hurt.

Kathy had been teaching Claire the concept of “hot” by explaining what things in the house were “hot,” like a cup of coffee, the stove, a pot of steaming pasta, the hot water faucet. Claire understood that certain things were “hot.” She could even point to those things and say, “Ha!” But it wasn’t until she felt the pain of putting her hand in Kathy’s cup of coffee that she really understood what hot meant. She needed to viscerally feel the pain in her body in order to fully understand what the concept of “hot” meant.

Without the consequence of pain, we try to bring into physical experience what works in our imagination. Sometimes the human body cannot handle the consequences.

I think of this lady, who was a little high on the “we are all one” cloud. She thought she could feed the cuddly looking sleeping bear that didn’t look harmful at all. She felt that, but it wasn’t long before she was overridden by the reality of severe pain.

My point is that we don’t really know the truth. Without experience, our pea-sized awareness or even an expanded awareness doesn’t know much at all. I am not saying that there cannot be miracles from higher states of consciousness. What I am saying is it might be safer to take the stairs than glide down to the ground, leave the bear alone, keep your hand out of the hot cup of coffee!

The idea that I want you to understand, the point that was so important in my last post: the guru makes you feel so good in that awareness of ‘all is one’, what are you doing or buying that you might not when you don’t feel so good?

We can play in the realm and have adventures in consciousness. We can experiment and grow in the spiritual realm. But for God’s sake, please don’t leave your conscious mind behind. Or at least bring others in who will care about you.

Go get the tests done on the lump in your chest instead of believing some magic pill cured it. Maybe it did, but double check and use the knowledge of science and measurement in physical reality to be sure.

As far as the limits of attraction, let me say one word: “Hitler.” Yes. Sorry I am invoking Godwin’s law here.

Now use your critical thinking here. Answer me these questions honestly, please.

Do you really think the poor little 7 year old girl attracted a rapist and killer? That her attraction was so powerful that this poor guy was pulled into her vortex and was made to commit this heinous crime against her? Come on, now. If you really believe it is a law of attraction, if you really believe and she attracted it and created her own reality, then the victim must be the poor guy who did that. (Really?!)

Do you really believe the German people in the 1930’s fell prey to those terrible Jews who, through the “Law of Attraction,” attracted the poor Germans to elect Hitler, give him free rein of power, and put to death between 11-17 million people, 6 million of whom were Jews?

Or maybe it was a “mutual pact of attraction?”

Be careful now. This is an incredibly slippery slope… answer these questions honestly.

If you really believe this, I am going to tell you something you will not want to hear.

In fact, I’ll bet money you cannot hear.

But that is only for those that believe… and hopefully I don’t get any of those responses. I hope we are all on the same page as this point.

Yeah right. LOL

Geez that kind of sounds like a soap opera intro that my mother used to watch.

Here in the Austin area, the seasons change differently than they did when I was in upstate New York.

And just as the seasons have changed differently and at a different time, so has my view of life and some of the people in it. I came to Austin with a Pollyanna attitude and wished good and peace on all those I encountered here. I tend to project upon people trustworthiness as a default.

It turns out I can be wrong. And I’ve recently been bitten by reality as it comes from the the dark side. That will certainly kill the Pollyanna attitude quick.

Recently I was watching a video of a neuroscientist and he made a comment that floored me… in a very helpful, positive way. It was a missing piece of information I had been looking for for years, a piece of information that I didn’t even know I needed until I heard it.

Spirit (or unconscious mind if that works better for you) is funny like that sometimes. When the arrival of the perspective does come however, you know that you were secretly asking for an answer. You just may have not been asking in the right way.

But something up there — or out there — or in here — knows.

The statement was: “Just because a person is enlightened or awakened, it doesn’t mean they are ethical or moral.” He said while the two may go hand-in-hand, they are not conjoined. Morality, ethics, awakening and enlightenment do not have to go together.

This man was a neuroscientist studying “enlightenment” and God in the brain and mind. He said he had firsthand knowledge of this in addition to his research. His firsthand Knowledge involved Bagwan Rajneesh, also known as Osho.

While I cannot remember exactly what he said, I do remember it made a big enough impact on him to name him publicly. It made enough of an impact to say he was sure morals and ethics did not follow enlightenment. He was sure Rajneesh was enlightened, but he lacked ethics.

Now, whatever happened to this man I do not know. But I know the importance of this statement; I have experienced this exact same thing more than once. It left me very confused and disturbed, but his statement freed my mind. It exploded open with the truth of that statement. And it made sense of my experiences.

What had I done to cause my distress? What had I not seen? Or more importantly, what had I believed to cause this confusion?

As I went inside to contemplate, the answer came quickly: I believed that an enlightened person would also have ethics and morals. I figured the two had to be inexorably linked. I had never considered they were mutually exclusive and deserved their own unique consideration.

My brain continued to expand with a joy as this knowledge was linking parts of my brain and unlocking others rapidly.

The next big question that was quickly answered was, “What other erroneous assumptions had I made in life?”

Did I do the same thing with money? Appearances? Intelligence? Power? Did I put good and morals and ethics in one big pile of beliefs for these things as well?

Sadly, and at the same time quite freeingly, I knew that the answer was “yes.” It was a bittersweet realization, quickly moving towards sweet. I was seeing how I was captured in a kind of slavery of my own making, and yet a slavery known and abused by so many marketers, con (or confidence) men, sociopaths, politicians, sales people, etc. over time.

Here it was in a nutshell.

It reminded me of what a hunter does. I have nothing against hunters, but this is a perfect example. A hunter will go out and put a feed stand and feed the animals he wants to trap. He’ll leave the feed stand for months ahead of time to do three primary things: first, he is fattening the animal; second, he is observing the animal’s patterns; third, he is making the animal feel safe with the area while he feeds. As soon as hunting season opens, however, the hunter knows exactly how to harvest the animal.

From this neuroscientist, I learned that these people are smart. They have a knowledge of how to trap the human animal psychologically, and they learn how to manipulate the patterns they observe in others for their own gain.

The opposite type of person is the spiritual sage we all revere. These people can identify our patterns, point them out to us, and by doing so, they choose instead to help us set ourselves free. They choose to let us in on the game, and they give a doorway to something better.

I realized that I found myself in situations in which I was taken advantage of, and with some help from some brilliant people, I started to see how I let myself be set up. As smart as I think I am, I was as vulnerable and trusting as many of us are.

This is a very humbling experience. I once asked a person here in Austin what he thought was happening because I was starting to feel taken by someone. He told me, “Mark, why would someone go to a store to buy milk when he has the cow in the front yard giving it for free?”

When I look back on that statement with the new knowledge I learned for the neuroscientist, I understand what this smart man was trying to tell me. It wasn’t just about getting paid for the hard work I was doing. It was to look even deeper into the character of those that seek to do this.

Why did I not see it then? Because of my belief that ethics and morals went hand-in-hand with spirituality, awakening, and enlightenment. Another reason, to some extent to most of those who were rich and powerful, but I cannot say I went for politicians here.

When I started to separate these elements, I understand completely how we are all vulnerable to manipulation, con-men, and sociopaths. We truly want to believe that others have our best interest at heart.

“Well look, he is rich, he teaches spiritual principles, he talks about love often, he must be ethical and moral. Right?”

Well maybe. I remember the Jimmy Swaggarts and the Tammy Fayes and Rajneeshes etc. And while I leave it to a higher judge whether their spirituality is authentic, I question if their old morals came with them now.

Yes, I can give all the marketers out there credit for writing such great sales letters and making it all sound right, but still, I end up getting it wrong by buying their product. It’s wrong because I got taken.

The good fisherman knows the exact right time to go fishing with what bait for what fish. Most of the time, the fish gets fat by eating and never getting hooked. But it just takes one time to be lured by a juicy too-good-to-be-true bait, not seeing the hook because it has been expertly hidden behind the bait by the fisherman. And because that fish has no past experience with a hook, he ends up making a nice dinner for the fisherman.

What elements must we look for inside ourselves, as inherently vulnerable humans, and watch for in others so as not to be hooked?

Good question. I’m still researching, but I am putting my findings and thoughts together into something that I think can help many people. I will be starting a new FREE series called “The Red Pill Seminar.” My goal is to use my experiences to help us wake up to the scoundrels and make more informed decisions when we’re open to trusting another person.

I’ll talk about their techniques, their motives, how to identify them, and how to protect yourself.

This is important to know. This web site estimates that approximately 1-4% of average people are sociopaths. That is anywhere from 1 in every 100 people to 1 out of every 25 people. Think about it the next time you’re walking through the grocery store. There are at least 25-100 people there with you depending on where and when you go. There is an extremely high probability that you are walking through the grocery store with a sociopath. Perhaps you’re meeting with a new client, a business partner, maybe you’re going out on a date with a new person you just met. Will that person put your interests as important as his or her own? Or will they wisely watch you, learn your patterns, and use those things to their own advantage in your relationship?

This is important information.

And as you learn how to protect yourself from those who wish to keep you in a position of subservient slavery, you also wake up to your own success, your own power, and your own abilities. Your self worth is primary to all else. You cannot have success, power, or happiness if you are allowing others to take advantage of you in any way.

But for now ask yourself these questions — and assume nothing. Make sure you get the evidence first.

Do I know this person? How well?

Do you have data on them? Does someone I implicitly trust know their character? (Ignore the testimonials of their friends.)

Are they ethical or moral? Do they have the ethics and morals they claim to have, or are there cracks you have been noticing?

What does your gut say? Is there a feeling in your body that is telling you to be careful, even though your mind is telling you something else? What does your gut tell you about them?

Check them out. Have you heard of others being ripped off? Check the internet. Yes, you may find some people mad at them. Even the best have their detractors. Look for a pattern of deceit and deception.

Make them prove and earn you ethical and moral respect. This is one of the biggest gifts you can give. Please do not give it away for free. Make them ALL earn it.

As for me, I invite you to check me out on the web and talk to those who know me best. Some of you might not like me or what I have done, and I am cool with that. My point is not to judge people, it is to report and educate as best as I can, no matter what I am talking about. It is about being honest and letting you see who I am beyond the veneer of marketing.

If someone has the ethics and morals I adhere to now, I don’t care a whole lot about who they were. And I am not so Pollyanna anymore. I will remain vigilant.

Thanks for reading. We will talk soon!

And something from a movie I just watched…

the downward spiral is essentially a chain reaction
one thing begets the next
a man has a weakness… he is flawed
the flaw leads him to guilt
guilt leads him to shame
the shame he compensates with pride and vanity
and when pride fails, it leads to despair
despair takes over and they all lead to his destruction
woe becomes his fate

Something has got to stop his flow

-ink (The incubus)

Addendum: If, after reading this, you think I am sitting in victim mode and that I am blaming others for my predicament, you’re missing the point. The point is, I gave away my power. I made decisions from a place where I didn’t claim my power for a variety of reasons, reasons that I can’t get into otherwise I divulge much more than what is appropriate. I know where I need to grow, and I am growing and learning.

Life is not about shutting your eyes as tightly as possible and repeating affirmations until the bad things go away and you live in a world filled with joy all the time. Your propensity to feel joy is in direct correlation in your ability to experience it’s opposite.