As I ponder the questions folks have asked me lately about getting past their issues and blocks, how to manifest, how to get clear, even how to pay bills, I look for patterns, the patterns that keep people stuck in problems… and the patterns that help people get unstuck.

One thing that keeps coming up is how people represent themselves around problems and patterns that keep themselves stuck. I can tell you only what has seemed to work in my experience, both in my life and in helping others.

I always ask for feedback to know what work has done for people. It’s even better if I can observe their life patterns after working with them because often I can see the subtle changes they can’t report for themselves. This can be both good and bad, even though there really is no good and bad about it. “Good and bad” help us separate and make distinctions about what we do and think.

I ask for feedback and I expect to get it – both good and bad – to help improve my work.

Some folks can take criticism well. Others cannot. I tend to roll between the two. But I am always looking for what I can reveal to myself about myself for the purpose of learning and improvement.

I realized that, in the past, I often would resist criticism because I didn’t like how something was said to me by another, even though I might have known they were right. I didn’t want others to be the ones who might affect my life by making it better, or being “right” about my “wrong.” I also didn’t want to have to hear, “See, if you had only listened to me before…” or “I told you so…”

How many times did do something as a teenager just because your mom or dad said not to? Or maybe you just didn’t want to admit that a know-it-all neighbor really did know what he was talking about.

I was willing to risk the long shot that maybe something might happen or I would make something happen that would make them wrong and me right. Unfortunately, I was betting on the wrong information for the wrong motivations without knowing the consequences my stubbornness might bring to me.

It wasn’t about the information. It was more about what that information might mean in my interactions with other people. It might mean they were right. And I was wrong.

It might mean they were superior and I was inferior.

Can you believe that? I would behave against my better judgement and intentionally not grow in a positive direction so others couldn’t get the credit for it. (I’m sure you’ve never done this either. ) Oddly, I could hear the same information from someone else (someone that I liked and respected like an aunt, teacher, etc.) and I couldn’t get enough learning from them. And I was pleased, as they were, to integrate it. But these teachers were few and far between.

I was doing the whole process unconsciously, but a part of me knew what was right. I would also come up with the darndest reasons why I was doing these things. When I saw this process consciously in myself for the first time, I was able to bring in a newer, more effective belief system than the older one I had when I adopted this way of being. I could now separate the good from the bad, the right from the wrong, for ME, regardless of who said it or how they said it.

There was a part of me that absolutely knew I needed the learning because it was the right thing to do for me and my deepest spiritual values. But this other rebellious value of not letting someone else rule over me and determine my path seemed, in the past, win out.

I came to a point where I needed to acknowledge another person’s contribution to my life and make the decision my own. It boiled down to knowing that I had an issue with telling others that they were right. In the world of dichotomies, if i want to be right, then I better be able to dish out a good dose of what I want in return.

If I am stingy with it, it seems the good Universe can do the same to me. At least this has been my personal experience.

At the deepest spiritual level, I know the original source of love is started from even though it may have gotten twisted along the way. It is up to me to set it straight again, with love, understanding, and forgiveness.

I have been following this track and growing with it. Allowing others to tell me whatever they’d like, taking criticism, advice, etc., and telling people thank you for sharing their ideas and considering them, even thanking others for their advice because I did something their way and it worked out great.

With all of that, I still have some of the residual process with some folks still in my life, and others long gone. I wanted to clear it up. I had set an intention to confront what residual was left in me, and actively pursued its fulfillment.

And I got my answer.

I was listening to an old, rare Werner Erhard audio that a friend gave me. It was a fantastic audio, and there was one especially sweet bit that was one of those beautiful moments of transformation that set the final residual string of resistance completely free.

He said something to the effect that a person is trying to contribute to your life and you are not letting them.

My mind went off like a dog on a scent.

I pictured a person from my past who had contributed incredibly to my life, but in a sometimes pompous and superior way that I had resisted with my every fiber.

I imagined that person telling me one of those things I already knew how to do well. I am pretty sure they knew I already knew I knew it. In this incident, I even tried to stop them from saying it. But they had to say it. They just had to, they couldn’t resist. I could feel my resistance not only in my imagination, but also present in my body. And I am positive if i would have seen this happen to a friend, I might have laughed my you-know-what off because it wasn’t me getting the treatment! From that viewpoint, I most probably wouldnt have felt the sting, even though i would have felt sympathy.

Isn’t that funny? That person is thousands of miles away from me now, yet I am feeling them now because of my thoughts?

Instead of imagining that person trying to one-up me or being superior, I imagine them doing their best to contribute to me in their own way. That even though they don’t have the skills, or choose not to apply them with me to do it in a way I would find more acceptable, I gave them the benefit of the doubt in my mind and I presented it to myself so I felt as if they were doing it because deep down they wanted to see me excel.

No only that, but I imagined that they wanted to feel incredible in their body — and mind — knowing that they contributed to my life in a positive way.

The biggest shift of all was for me: I let them have that in my mind.

And when I gave that to them in my mind, in my imagination, in my heart, while I was in my bed at night, I got the biggest gift in my body.

Some weight in my body lifted that I had been carrying for years.

It was like throwing a switch and the dam opened without knowing that’s what would happen.

It was so powerfully emotional feeling all of that leave me. More importantly that switch had let something new come in. That new feeling was even more powerful and emotional: forgiveness and love.There was an now outward flow again towards this person that just seconds ago I had restricted.

That same image that caused me distress and angst was now making me feel incredible. And all I did was change how I see the activity by changing the lens that I see it through. Instead of seeing it as a threat, I could see it from the highest Spiritual point of view, and I could see it differently.

I now see this person as being a great contributor in my life, and I feel fantastic thinking about this person telling me they did all that they did in order to be a positive influence in my life. They wanted to see me in their best way in their mind, and it made them feel good to contribute to me.

Whatever their conscious reason was or is, I know the source. If I align with it, the middle usually takes care of itself.

I was now valuing their contribution to my life. In return, my slight perspective change about their motive was all that was needed to make them feel worth in their lives.

I think Werner Erhard’s point was that he was trying to do it all on his own for his own reward. He wanted all the credit, but the credit was meant to be shared, and so was the work.

You see …his motive was the same as those he was denying. He was really denying himself.

When Werner decided to let others contribute to him, Werner was able to contribute.

Now put my name in there in place of Werner Erhard.

Now put your name in place of Werner’s.

This is Freedom…This is Independence.

True freedom comes from being able to better control and guide your own responses and reaction in life.

Do this with one person this weekend, and I promise that this will be the best Independence day ever.

Happy Fourth of July, and happy independence day to you.

If you liked this and want to learn more about how to shift these positions and perspectives in your life for more personal freedom, I recommend you get the new Subliminal Clearing Z+ Advanced Ho’oponopono DVD. In it, I give you 6+ hours of video exploring the techniques on how to do this higher level spiritual clearing.

Right click this link to download this 47-minute, 21 MB download MP3:

There are a ton of great insights that come through on the recording. This audio is not about Joe Vitale, though, the breakdown of the relationship between Mark and Joe (and Mark’s decision to talk openly and freely about it) is the catalyst for some wonderful insights… insights about ho’oponopono, the Divine Zero State, letting go, and our role in the whole scheme of things.

These insights will help you with your own ho’oponopono practice.

And these insights are freely given to you in Love.

Right click this link to download this 47-minute, 21 MB download MP3:

This teacher not only wants to see you soar, but they place no limits on your growth and achievement. Your achievement becomes a joy to them, the same way a parent feels joy when their child learns a new skill. It doesn’t matter if you’re achieving past them or just learning how to walk.

Why is this type of teacher okay with your growth when others are not? First, he is comfortable with who he is. He doesn’t need or want to be better than you. Teaching is about your growth, not about competition. His goal is to be the best he can be for himself, and part of that self image and self esteem is helping others do the best that THEY can be, regardless of what happens to him personally.

He knows a secret. This secret is a by-product of his work with others to this degree. Remember, he knows it is a by-product, not a direct result. The by-product is that HE GETS FED. He gets fed first by the feeling that true giving can make someone feel. Second, from this magical place, he gets his cup filled. He not only feels good for others, he gets a wonderful feeling about how his contributions towards your growth. And then, he gets fed: he gets knew knowledge from this place of being a true teacher.

None of us are a completed work. We’re all a work in progress, all on our way someplace other than here. Nothing is static, we are all change. A teacher that is open to new knowledge from his students continues to grow. Contrast with the previous two teacher types that have at their core a need for constancy and superiority. They’re also on their way someplace else… but it isn’t growth oriented.

I have two teachers that I continue to work with that are in the 3rd category. I have one I think is in the middle or second category, and one who recently slipped into the first category.

Yes, they move about. And so do I, seeking knowledge wherever it is appropriate.

Why is the teacher who is in the second category still my teacher? Because I can separate out what we talked about in the last post. I can still find and appreciate knowledge and understand from his teachings, and I can subtract out what I know when I perceive his faults or find parts of him that I don’t want to integrate into who I am.

I think that once you separate out your teacher from his ethics or morals and look at the patterns that are useful to you, you can keep a great friendship. None of us are perfect. The category 3 teachers are rare.

The problem with the level 1 type of teacher. I find that the information and knowledge they have to share does not balance with the pull of the black hole of negative behavior. I think that the effort required to be involved, even as a friend, with the type of person who acts out in those ways far outweighs any type of benefit you might gain from the information. I have made a commitment to pull away from people who act out in those ways right away and spend time in contemplative prayer for some kind of revelation to come to them about how their actions affect other people.

My recent teacher who went that way in my experience still has a chance, but it won’t be easy. I was told by many people and had direct inspiration as I tried to reveal this to him. He quickly went in the opposite direction. It was difficult to watch someone I loved go this route.

At this point, I chose to pull myself away for 2 reasons. First, I cannot afford the negative pull in my life. Second, I want to keep distance as my presence and message seems to give him more of a reason to go farther into the dark side. And I chose not to have my brother fall any further.

I would love to see him excel again, even though he sought to keep me down.

So, let’s expand this a little more for next time.

Teachers… this can mean a friend, boss, mother, father, sister, brother. It can mean YOU. It can also mean your concept of spirit, the universe or God as you understand and experience it.

Go back and read all of these entries again while putting different folks from your life into the different roles. I promise that if you do this work, you will transform how you think about yourself, your community, and even spirituality.

Expanding upon yesterday’s post, the second type of teacher is the teacher that wants you to excel, but not past them.

This teacher will help you in varying degrees, until you get close to knowledge of how they work or their secrets.

I think most teachers — and for the most part, most people — fall into this category.

Personally, I think this is due to competition or fairness.

In regard to competition, we don’t like others beating us, being more right, better, or perceived as more “good.” We use others outside of ourselves to compete with instead of comparing ourselves to the internal standards we have set for ourselves. It is tough to note that even at our best, there is someone better. We don’t like to see it or experience it. This competition can happen in both men and women, but seems to be much more dominant in males.

Fairness seems to be a favorite in the fairer sex, but is well known in males too. If there is competition, it is always about who is more fair.

If someone excels too far away from the flock, then the flock can do all kinds of amazing things – little and big – to see to level the bifurcation of the one.

When you get to this level, it is sometimes good to seek another teacher. Retain a friendship with the previous teacher, but work on your growth with someone who does not feel competitive with where you are now.

Recently, I saw a peer of mine from a long time ago and saw him working on stage with 150 people. He was doing incredibly well, and I felt my competition revving inside of me, thinking of what I would have to do to outpace him. Part of this is healthy, but I also had to ask myself to feel positively, to feel pride for my friend and his growth. It didn’t take long, because I genuinely like and care about this man.

When we talked after his presentation, I told him about a seminar I had done in front of only 600 people in Moscow for 2 days. In my mind, I was disappointed, because we had expected 1,000 people. He jumped up and said “only? 600 people? Mate, this is fantastic! Congratulations.” He was excited and wanted to know more about what I spoke about.

He showed me that I needed to upgrade my thinking, beliefs and values about myself as well, since last September. I realized at that point I personally had not given myself credit for the work I had done both in Moscow and Novosibirsk.

I also saw that I needed to practice more gratitude and excitement for others if I am going to be the kind of teacher I respect.

I think of one spiritual teacher I know who is in this area, and it is funny, because it is his inability to push his students to the next level that keeps him from being a teacher who could be one of the greatest in history. His pride, his competitiveness, his insistence of being superior to all in his environment hidden within creative cracks in his psyche that keeps him from exactly what he seeks.

Here’s the huge lesson: It is within what we won’t or can’t GIVE that keeps us from attaining our own greatness. It is about power, how much we are willing to give, or how much we hoard and try to keep.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk about teacher #3… the type of teacher that loves to see you soar to heights even you cannot imagine.

We’ll build a little on my previous post. Here are the three types as I see them:

1. A teacher who doesn’t want you to excel
2. One who accepts your excelling, but not past them
3. One who has a deep longing for you to soar, just as a loving parent wishes for their child

Who are teachers? They can be pretty much anyone… your friend, father, mother, sister, brother, a person you work with as a coach, a workshop leader, an author, a preacher, or your boss. Maybe even your neighbor. A teacher can be anyone we work with on our personal growth.

The Teacher That Doesn’t Want You to Excel
Here, we find that there is a difference between what you are told and the actions and behavior coming from that teacher.

You can tell quite easily by looking at how they reward you for your growth. A teacher who is afraid of you and your growth will do his best to minimize your accomplishments while maximizing your failures. They know that doubt and discouragement will keep you down, keep you in a submissive position. They’ve probably learned this technique very well because it was done to them at one time.

This teacher will also focus on you being less than, but more importantly, they will always bring the focus back to how big, how accomplished, how revered, how special THEY are. They enjoy keeping you, and others, in that “less than” position in order to have that ego rush of comparison readily available to them. These are the teachers that brag about what they have, what they’ve done, what others say about them. They will often weave the derogatory comments about you into passive aggressive statements sandwiched between positive statements about themselves as a comparison. Their intent is to elevate their status while keeping you submissive and subservient.

You will especially notice the threat expanding if you begin to excel in HIS area of expertise. God help you if you begin to surpass his expertise.

This type of teacher is an expert at keeping others in a feeling of doubt and discouragement. Even if he is a high school drop out and you are a PhD, this person can keep you from rising to your own greatness. And if he is a particularly nasty type, this type of teacher will take your own knowledge, your own insight, and your own greatness and claim it as his own. How many times do you hear of people taking credit for others’ ideas as their own?

This creates even further discouragement and doubt. And then, he’s got you exactly where he wants you.

If this type of teacher has a group of people around him that he has already done this to, they will expect you to act as they have. The additional peer pressure will come in many forms. Additionally, they will take delight in acting out towards you for the unconscious resentment they still feel from when it was done to them.

This is exactly how CULTS are created. And just because someone has not identified your group as a cult or its leader as a sociopath, it doesn’t mean that you’re not living in one, or experiencing the same type of emotional subterfuge.

Part of the trip here is that, because of competition, we seek to win even though we’ve lost. We want to find a way to win next time or sometime in the future.

However, in order for you to do that, you must become better than the teacher at what he does worst. In other words, you have to act as he does and try to win at that game. You find yourself in a loop, but this loop is a downward loop.

This is why you must get out of situations like this and learn to avoid them. It’s a dangerous game, and you have to escape the gravity. The only way to do so is to first forgiving yourself and accept the loss.

The group might say that your loss is your self destruction. However, if you look deeper and get help, it is a huge, momentous giant victory of self respect. You’ve escaped a situation that was holding you in a downward spiral game. It is counter-intuitive thinking and can be difficult, and often people don’t find a way to escape. This is why I really recommend getting help to see the situation you’re in from an external viewpoint. Those within the group will not be able to see it.

You see, they’re stuck in an echo chamber where the only beliefs they allow into their world are ones that they agree with. This often happens in politics, and individuals who do this in political situations often find themselves stuck in other areas as well.

I know of one person who goes around blocking people on social networking sites who have opposing viewpoints so he doesn’t get angered by them. This is also an individual who finds himself working with a teacher who won’t let him grow.

I will begin to dissect this nasty bugger with some clear examples. And if you’re wondering if you’re caught up in a similar situation, please write me and ask.

Tomorrow I’ll discuss the second type of teacher… the one who will let you rise, but not above them.

For an example, here is an excellent blog post describing an experience like what I describe. Remember, it doesn’t have to be this blatant, it can be very insidious and subtle and still be cult-like activity.

Note: I posted this as part of a 3 part series. Some people took this the wrong way and thought I was talking about them. I decided to post part 2 and 3 now instead of waiting so that you can see all three types contextually. Please take this knowledge for whatever it is worth. If it helps you, great. If it bothers you, I apologize. My intent is to help people extract themselves from difficult situations and prevent others from getting involved in them.

But she probably won’t be with us much longer.

This morning, I woke up thinking about what I could have done better in how I treated her. I started first by looking at what I didn’t like about her. Doing this was difficult for me given her current condition.

What came up in me was how spoiled I thought she was, how her mother, my sister, doted over her all her life. Even though she was a good girl, it used to upset me to no end.

The upset says more about me than it does my niece or my sister. Maybe I was upset because I believed I never got that kind of love and attention. Maybe I was upset because she spent a lot of time thinking about her needs and wants. Maybe I was upset because I projected that I wanted her to be independent.

Maybe I was upset because I saw that her mother never had much of a life after she was born because she was doing all of the doting on her daughter.

Maybe all of that. Maybe even more.

But they all could be excuses in me.

From the lens of her dying, all of these beliefs, thoughts, excuses… they all fade into another realm.

A new perspective seems to be very clear in me right now. This perspective is a huge reminder to not too harshly judge anyone.

The new perspective is that maybe God knew that she would only live a third of her life. Maybe God wanted to give her as much love, attention, mothering, and the things that she wanted in life compressed into her short 26 years.

It would be great to have hindsight beforehand.

What would I have done differently if I had to do it over… I would have likely left her and her mom alone about the doting, kept my well-meaning but unwanted advice to myself. I would have just allowed things to be as they are, be okay with whatever happened.

And I would have been more giving to her myself.

What do I do for others from here on out… I do my best to remember that each of us has a Cross to bear in some way or another. And none of us get to judge whose Cross is harder or worse or more difficult or more easy.

I might even do this for myself as well. I could use the self-forgiveness.

While I was writing this, my aunt (who has been more like a close older sister to me) called to let me know that the test for cancer on her lymph nodes came back negative. She just found out last week she had breast cancer and had a fast mastectomy a few days later. We’re all thankful.

Remember we never know…doenst mean its a licence for you to put up with abuse…but you never know

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