Comments on: Take Another Look

By: Eunice Krecek, CH

Eunice Krecek, CH — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:39:46 +0000

Mark,
You are thinking from a male perspective. When I was growing up I had to older brothers who thought that I was spoiled and that my parents doted on me. Nothing could be further from the truth. They forget that they grew up in the depression and went off to WWII when I was only six. They had their doting as boys or sons in a household struggling to get along in hard times. I am nine years younger growing up during WWII. Different era. Familes struggled and did without because it was not to be had at any price. I had or dod not have the same opportunties as they had but aimed for a girl not a boy. I was not spoiled as they think, but discouraqed because I was a girl and could not further my education as they were able to do. When we judge others we are judging from what we experience and do not think or feel how the other person feels with their background. Although you had the same upbringing as she did, she is a she and you are a he. So you view things from that set of factors. It isn’t one is right or the other wrong. As you know there is something about Venus and Mars. Your sister fullfilled a need she had in doting on your niece. Maybe, she felt a need your niece had. Example, your little Clare. Your wife may feel a need to do somethng for her that you cannot understand. It is that crazy 6th sense mothers have.
Do not be so hard on yourself. Maybe, you provided balance to the situation. STOP the self pity. You are not worth it. You can use ho’oponopono to clear out this feeling.
Now, be the best uncle that you can be.
Eunice Krecek, CH

By: Edgar Valderrama

Edgar Valderrama — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 17:01:39 +0000

Mark, I agree completely with the first comment, excepting the part God is supposed to play in the affair. I just can’t picture a God of the type that would know the number of hairs in each of our heads and care about it. Such a God would be comforting on the one hand, and terrifying on the other. I would invoke something impersonal LIKE Karma, when in mystical mode.

By: RevRon

RevRon — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:41:09 +0000

Great post, Mark. We all tend to judge others’ behavior from the bias of our own perspective. I’ve done it as much as anyone. Still do. Sometimes, however, I catch myself as you have, and actually allow others the benefit of the doubt. When I do, it’s an incredibly freeing exercise for me (and likely lessens the burden that the target of my judgmentalness has to bear!).

I imagine you will recall a time when you and I directed some of that judgment toward each other. I came to realize that I was seeing you through false filters, and for that, I apologize. Publicly. We may well argue in the future, but perhaps we’ll be able to do it as friends. That, at the least, is my “ah ha” after learning more about you.

In my beliefs, I would frame your statement that “maybe God knew that she would only live a third of her life” with a sense that God knew that she would live *all* of her life, but in a time frame not to our liking. Perhaps she has little to do to complete her human experience, and is ready to move on to something beyond our comprehension. In that light, we can celebrate her life and her ultimate passing. The grief – and the remorse – we feel at losing someone offers us a powerful lesson; one that you seem to have integrated. Hopefully, the “shoulda” moments that arise from the losses we experience will evolve into something that will guide us to be more kind, more accepting, and ultimately, happier. I wish that for you, for myself, and for all of us. If we hold those precious lessons dear, we might even be spared the need for re-learning them, and the grief that accompanies those “remedial courses.” One can but hope!

Namaste